Mommy Wise

Okay, it has been a crazy two weeks in my house. Now, being a homeschooler we have to get back on track from those weeks and get back into school. On top of everything else we have not been able to do school. It would have been nice these past few weeks to have sent at least two of them to school instead of having to juggle everyone at doctors appointments and with grandparents. But, you have to take the bad with the good and still, homeschooling is our choice.

Having said that. I am having mommy burnout. I love my kids and our choices but wow, what I wouldn't do for a warm beach and a good book somewhere far away. Making meals and taking care of sick kids can be very overwhelming. I think some moms just slowly go inward when stressed out. Others maybe denial or shopping. I think in the realm of Christianity we feel that it is a sign of a bad mother to say I am stressed out and I don't want to be a mommy or maybe even a wife anymore today. So, what do we do from there? We move on, not from motherhood or marriage, but from those feelings. Recognize they are just feelings and although very valid, feelings change.

First, I would ask is burnout stemming from a legitimate issue? Are you never alone? Do you need support in a way your not getting it? Look into that. Then, don't be afraid to try something new. Above all do not feel guilty for it.

Second, realize motherhood is hard and give yourself a break. Realize sometimes your husband does not know what to do either. Wade through it together.

Sometimes its right there in front of our faces, other times it feels as if it is gone like flowers in winter, but know this, God is faithful to complete the good job he started in and through you.

Baby Wise?

Hey Moms, a little advice please!!

Share

Ok, here's the situation. I've been trying to do the whole "Baby Wise" thing with Caleb - you know, keeping him on a schedule. His schedule is he eats every two hours and sleeps every two hours. And all you "Baby Wise" moms will probably get after me for this, but he uses a bottle to get to sleep for naps. This is the only way I can get him to sleep without a HUGE cry out! And I mean HUGE!! So, alas, I let him have his bottle and fall asleep. However, lately he doesn't always fall asleep and then I'm up a creek and he won't go to sleep. I know some of you think I should just lay him in his crib and let him cry it out (namely, my mother), but I just can not do it. I can let him fuss, but it turns into a huge temper tantrum. So, if he just drifted off to sleep I could do that, but it never does. It always turns into something awful that lasts FOREVER and I can't do it.

My theory is that although Baby Wise is a good thing to go by, not all babies are going to go along with it perfectly. Some better than others.

So, what advice can you Moms give me on this? OH, and another thing, when he does go down for a nap it's for 45 minutes and then he wakes up. He gets like 2 and if I'm lucky, 3 of these 45 naps a day. A little side note, I think he might be teething, which could be playing a role in this... Am I expecting too much sleep? I think he's not sleeping enough during the day. Ideally I would like him to take like 2 big naps a day... HELP!!! I'm very frustrated!
Thx!

By Krista Grien

A cry out by a worn out mommy. We all know the days. What do we think though? How close do we stick to a book that claims precious slumber for our little ones if we will just follow their directions. I know moms that love Baby Wise. I know others that would not sell their copy in a garage sale. What do you think? Should Krista feel guilty for not following their rules?

Update on Ben

This is an update for our boy Ben.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and our whole family. It has been a chaotic week and I will not tell you I felt peace the whole time. I did however feel everyone's prayers and knew that whatever happened God was still God. I was reminded that He never gets tired or cranky. Reminded in my imperfectness He is always perfect.

On Wednesday night Ben came home with swelling on the inside of his right knee. We weren't sure if it was maybe broken, a infection, or just what. We knew whatever it was he would either be better or the same in the morning.

Thursday- We took him to the pediatrician where we were then sent to St. Francis Day Hospital. We spent the day there running all sorts of test. We found out that he had a cyst on his knee.

We had a appointment on Monday to see a Ortho Surgeon. God gave us grace with a very cranky surgery schedule for a Tuesday surgery.

I need to add, at this point we were a little concerned because we had heard this kind of cyst was somewhat abnormal. So the sooner the better with scheduling.

Tuesday- The surgery went as well as it possible could. He went under well and the doctor was able to get the cyst and it looked normal. It has been sent of to pathology but, we think that should be fine.

Thursday- Pathology report back cyst is benign.

My family was blessed by everyone that helped with the other three kids and by everyone that lifted us up in prayer. It is at moment like this we are reminded once again at how precious our little ones are. I was thankful to have the time with just my Ben to lay next to him and take care of him. All you moms with several kids know what I mean. It was a precious time and I am relieved it is over.

Valentine Shmalentines

I did not wake up this morning to doves overhead or a little naked baby hanging in the air with his arrow. I woke up to one child with a hurt knee, possible requiring a small surgery and a sick toddler. I recalled a question my daughter had asked me earlier this week she asked, "What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a little mommy?"
To which I quickly replied, "I wanted to be a mommy."
She thought and asked, "Did you know that you wouldn't be paid for that job?"
My husband and I heard the question and we just looked at each other with a shrug and little laugh.

But, it's true mothers aren't paid. We could agree on something cute like, we get paid in hugs and kisses. But, then we would also agree on days like today when "sick" is going around the house, I don't particularly want a kiss and I'm pretty sure I do not even want a hug. I would rather be paid in actual dollars. Not boogers and viruses. That way, maybe I could go on a date with my husband and cupid wouldn't even have to come. The excitement of eating at a table for two would be enough.

I used to think in the early days of motherhood, "Lord, Do you see me here!? I am struggling! Send someone to help. FAST! An angel, a friend, even a stranger will do."

The Lord brought these verses to my heart in those early days.
Psalms 27:13-14
I am still confidant of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

At the beginning of this chapter David says if my parents leave me, if everyone is gone. I will wait and trust in His goodness. I was encouraged and a little convicted by this. In the Bible I see a steadfastness in times of trouble. I'm reminded of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego when they said "If we live or if we die. We will not bow down."

Time has passed since my oldest were little and I still do not look forward to stomach viruses and colds. Valentines Days that go by with little fanfare will never be fun. After all I'm still a girl. However, this is my job and I will stand and see the goodness that the Lord will provide in and through my children. I will choose to be strong and wait to see His goodness in the lives of my children. Being a mom isn't easy. I do love the kisses and hugs but, I do it because I'm investing in something that counts. We as women will put all the time and hard work into college and then our career. Why wouldn't we give the same to motherhood? Our families deserve. Even though we are not getting paid we are still making an investment in our children and ultimately the Kingdom of God.

Help Wanted

It seems I hear of someone we know losing a job at least, once a week. It can be very scary. The loss of control that we feel can be overwhelming. My parents where in real estate during the 80’s, when we had the last recession. Real estate was a horrible business to be in at the time. It got so bad we eventually lived in a house without electricity for a time. When I think of the possibility of my husband going without a job I almost go into a panic. The thought of my children living in a house without utilities. What would I do? How did my mother handle it?
We ended up living with my grandparents for a season. As a child I didn’t care. It seemed like somewhat of an adventure. My grandparents had some land and a trampoline and I thought it was a great arrangement . Looking back now I see that it was a memorable experience because my great-grandmother was also living with my grandma. I’m sure all the adults didn’t think it was so great. However, for a short period of time we all had the blessing of living with four generations under one roof. Not very many people can say that in this day in age.
I had thought about writing ideas for saving money and cutting corners during a job loss or pay cut. I’m opting for words of encouragement. It is in times of crisis we need to remind each other who we are in Christ. We need this daily, sometimes hourly, and moment by moment even. Let times of trial remind us, that this world is temporary.
We have a place prepared for us that loss of jobs, illness, and strife cannot enter into. Until that time Jesus wants us to know we can still trust him.
So, what can we as women, wives, and mothers do to help.

1. Stand in the gap. During a time of hardship for our husbands. We need to stand in the gap of prayer. Go to the father on their behalf in prayer. In the book of Nehemiah the walls of Jerusalem had been destroyed. Nehemiah calls out to the Lord, “O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name.” 1:10 He called out to the Lord in prayer before anything else. He made a plan during a time of rebuilding so that the city was not available to further destruction. At that time I also said to the people, “Have every man and his helper stay inside Jerusalem at night, so they can serve as guards by night and workman by day.” Neither I nor my brothers nor men nor the guards with me took off our clothes; each had his weapon, even when we went for water.” 4:22, 23 They were always on guard. They wanted their city protected. We can do the same for others helping make them stronger in their weakened state by being vigilant and standing in the gap. Prayer should be our first weapon of defense.

2. Be his helper. Gen 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable.” In my Bible it says one of the things Eve is best known for, is completing the human pair. During hards times what can you do to help? Can you help answer hard questions to the kids? Is there someone or something that is usually difficult for him that you could be a buffer from? When things are difficult pray and watch for ways to complete him and be a help meet.

3. Trust God. My favorite verses about trusting the Lord are in Psalms Some trust in chariots some trust in horses, but we trust in the name if the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. 20:7,8. No one likes change. Remember we serve a God that never changes. He can be trusted. If your husband comes to you and says he has an idea for big career change that he has been praying about, trust him. Trust that your husband can make the right decision. There has been times when I have trusted in chariots and horses in my life. Let us use this time to remind ourselves that we can rise up and stand firm.

My prayers go out for all of you that are suffering from job loses during this time. It may not be the plan you had, but who knows maybe your children will look back at this time 20 years from now and count themselves blessed.

Hooray For Diffendoofer Day

This is an excerpt from a Dr. Seuss book. "Hooray for Diffendoofer Day". It was published after he died, actually Jack Prelutsky a poet and Lane Smith the illustrator helped finish a book he had originally started. I feel in love with this little book. As a homeschool mom I'm always wondering are they getting it? Are they were they should be accidemically? This book imbraces different approaches and I found that so encouraging.

I want to keep this little book. It's funny when I get a great book from the library I love that other children have checked it out and for a few weeks it was their favorite too. I just want to keep it for myself and buy it from the library. That is why used book sells are so great. I don't think the library encourages keeping them.

Mr. Lowe appeared and howled,
"Attention, girls and boys!"

He began to fuss and fidget,
Scratch and mutter, sneeze and coough.
He shook his head so hard, we thought
His eyebrows would come off.
He wrung his hands, he cleared his throat,
He shed a single tear,
Then sobbed, "I've something to announce,
And that is why I'm here.

"All schools for miles and miles around
Must take a special test,
To see who's learning such and such-
To see which school's the best.
If our small school does not do well,
Then it will be torn down,
And you will have to go to school
In dreary Flobbertown."

"Not Flobbertown!" we shouted,
And shuddered at the name,
For everyone in Flobbertown
Does everything the same.

It's miserable in Flobbertown,
They dress in just one style.
They sing one song, they never dance,
They march in single file.
They do not have a playground,
and they do not have a park.
Their lunches have no taste at all,
Their dogs are scared to bark.

Miss Bonkers rose. "Don't fret!" she said.
"You've learned the things you need
To pass that test and many more-
I'm certain you'll succeed.
We've taught you that the earth is round,
That red and white make pink,
and something else that matters more-
We've taught you how to think."

"I hope you're right," sighed Mr. Lowe.
He shed another tear.
The test is in ten minutes,
And you're taking it right here."

We sat in shock and disbelief.
"Oh no!" we moaned. "Oh no!"
We were even more unhappy
Than unhappy Mr. Lowe.
But then the test was handed out.
"Yahoo!" we yelled. "Yahoo!"
For it was filled with all the things
That we all knew we knew.

That is just a little excerpt from Dr. Suess "Hooray for Diffendoofer
Day"

I Don't Want to Be Famous Anymore

I’m a wife to a great man and mother to four beautiful children, I am Athena. It seems at times this is all I am; a wife and a mother. I get up I make coffee, I change a baby’s diaper, I teach school, I get a shower on days that I am lucky and I move from my day to day life in what seems like a mundane way, at times. I have actually had someone not recognize me without all my kids. The comment made to me was “You look so much younger without your kids.”

Who says that?

It’s easy when your in your early 30’s to sing the song of “Is This all There Is?” I know, thirty is the new twenty and all that jazz but, I believe that 30 is just that, 30. I did everything the traditional way. I married young and had kids young. However, I do believe it is the age of self discovery and becoming comfortable in ones own skin. I remember walking through a book store one day with the aroma of coffee in the air and a vanilla tea in my hand when I realized “I no longer care about being famous.” I only cared about being known to myself. For me becoming more comfortable in my skin was knowing that I had value because of who I was in Christ as a christian, no longer needing the accolades of men. For a homeschool mom of four this was crucial moment of growth.

My husband and I married young, we were impulsive and no one stood in our way, so we married. Getting married young for two impulsive kids was a good thing. It protected us from ourselves and further bad decisions. Not that getting married was a bad thing it is just challenging at 18 and 19. We both started to go to church regularly in Stillwater, where my husband went to school. We fell in with a group of young marrieds many, of whom we continue to be friends with to this day.

During this time we were taken under different peoples wing. We were invested in as adults and not children. One couple named the Spillmans loved us. Eileen was the wife and she would share little honest bits of truths with me about life. They at the time had six kids. What I really enjoyed about her is she never tried to put a perfect face on raising a large family. It just was what is was: hard, but worth it. We were learning to be adults with others our age and guided by those further down the road. A few of the couples we had come to love were homeschoolers. The seeds of interest were being planted before we even had our own children. We watched from a distance.

Parenthood did come though, one week before graduation. I thought to myself “What am I going to do now.” It hadn’t been that long since I’d graduated highschool but, I felt I was slowly loosing my own identity. I wasn’t that cute little cheerleader from Bethany High School anymore. Then 13 months later I had our second child.

My mom’s comment to me was “Oh, Athena!”

Nobody was appreciating me for being pretty, or saying really witty things. Baby’s cannot talk and they do not care about pretty. I was officially an adult and was up to my elbows in poopy diapers and babies.

Before too long we had to decide what we would do for school with our own little brood. Homeschooling was the choice we had felt lead to. I had become excited in the process, picking out books, going to the homeschool fairs were encouragement abounds, and buying all the other supplies. I was excited until, I actually started school and realized, this is hard. Especially with an ADHD child I had no idea what to do with.

The next year I ran to the closest private school and gladly enrolled the two school age children.
This was a perfect plan, until they too had no idea what to do with her either. Once again the self pity fell like rain. What was I going to do? I hated homeschool. I pulled up my bootstraps and we all got to work and gradually we all started to enjoy it and find our way. The Lord made it all work out for both mine and my child’s good.

I prayed and I parented and somewhere along the way I learned who I was. I no longer need to hear how great I am from others. I still think I’m a little charming at times, and I appreciate that about myself. I can be a very good friend to other women and to my husband. Most importantly I know that family and parenthood is something I chose not something that just happened to me. I have been molded by my Lord I serve and the road he put me on. I love the idea that 30 years from now I will look around my dinner table at Thanksgiving and when we hold hands to pray, the circle will be wide, because like my friend Eileen Spillman I will know it was hard but, worth it.

PeePee Pants in the Morning

This morning I was reading about the Titus 2 women and then wondered over to Proverbs 31 women also. I sometimes have a hard time connecting, it seems like such a tall order at 7:00 in the morning. When my laundry is behind, I need to get the kids moving toward school, and I am positive that my baby is going to have to be completely changed out of peepee cloths because her diaper has probably leaked again. Then, I hope it's just peepee. Anyway, so then I remember a conversation my sister and I had about how I don't have to hang my head in shame before God. He didn't love me first to manipulate me into being a supermom. He just wants to love me and then love others through me as a result of that. Including my kids and husband. That doesn't seem like such a hard thing. Peepee pants or not.

Fireproof

Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and He will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them."
Num 14:6-9

Today I was listening to an interview with the producer of "Fireproof". The Interviewer was pushing him to see if a "Fireproof 2" was going to come out next after such success with the first one. The producers reply was that he didn't know and wanted to wait on God. What struck me the most was that he said, "We are not going to go ahead of God, or work behind him. We are going to wait on his timing."

How awesome is that. Not being fearful of waiting on God. But, then moving when he says go. I read this passage about Joshua and Caleb and it convicts me. I mean these Israelite s had it in their hands and they were fearful because it was too big for them. But, these two young men would go against them all and say,Yes, we can. What God has for us is good we just have to trust him.

My prayer tonight is that I would trust him and wait on or act on what he says is good with the same intensity as Joshua and Caleb.